Get to know your coworkers survey! Oh Lowe's, you should've known better...

So Friday is my last day at Lowe's. It's a long story. I wasn't fired, I didn't REALLY quit, but I wasn't laid off. Figure that one out. Anyway, they just sent out a "get to know your coworkers" survey. Since I'm about done anyway, I filled it out honestly. Here's a transcript. Enjoy!



Name on birth certificate: PeeWee Herman, III
Date / location when started with Lowe's: 05/2009; cashier
Positions held / locations worked in: Glorified customer ass-kisser

Where were you born? Bonners Ferry, ID
Where have you lived? Bonners Ferry; Kailua-Kona, HI; Twin Falls; Boise; Torino, Italy
What school did you attend and what did you study? Boise State, journalism (BA); University of Torino (study abroad)
What is your work background? Newspapers, radio station, television station, RA, receiving at Abercrombie
Describe your family: We should not be allowed to reproduce.
What is your most embarrassing moment? Admitting I liked a Britney Spears song.
Have you ever broken any bones? Yep... oh, do you mean my own?
Can you speak any other languages? Spanish, Italian, little bit of French
If you could meet one person (living or dead) who would it be? Elvis' hairstylist
Why were you given your particular name? Because Paul McCartney wrote a song about me.
How many brothers and sisters do you have? 24 brothers, one sister
What is your favorite thing to do? Not be here
What is your favorite food? The pizza from the pizzeria below our apartment in Italy
What is your favorite book? Temporary Insanity by Jay Johnstone
What is your favorite sport? Baseball
What is your favorite kind of music? 60s and 70s, stuff Paul McCartney does
What place would you like to visit? Australia or Robert Plant's hair
What is your favorite thing about yourself? The fact that I didn't kill myself while working here
What do you dislike about yourself? My elbows
What is one thing you would like others to know about you? At Lowe's: Even though I'm a lowly woman, I can do more than cashier.
When you were a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? A dinosaur
What are three adjectives which describe you? Weird, intelligent, frightening
How would your friend describe you to someone who has never seen you? Short, plump, with a Don King hairdo
Where do you see yourself in five years? Married to Conan O'Brien; world class lady comedian with my own show
What are your favorite subjects in school? English, history, staring at people until they get uncomfortable
When you have an hour of free time, what do you like to do? Wish I was the fifth Beatle
What is your favorite movie? Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
What is the strangest thing you ever did? Accepted a job here
What is the strangest food you ever ate? Something I cooked
What was your first job ever? Housesitting for the neighbors
What was your worst job ever? (answer this with caution... lol) This craphole