Frantic Work Emails: How I Love Thee

I work for a fancy TV station... or at least the only one we really have here in cowtown. It has its ups and its downs, its crappy camera shots and "Shit!" moments with the tape decks, and of course its fair share of beautiful people to gawk at. (Okay, not really. They hired me... come on.) It also has some great email moments. I had a camera shift during the 10 o'clock news tonight and I had nothing better to do, so I copied and pasted some great email moments and sent them to myself. It was the first personal email I've received in about two years. Being anti-social: It's my verb.


Example 1:

"We are missing 6 blocks of cheese and 2 packages of bacon from the downstairs refrigerator. Please return it immediately.

This will be considered a theft if not returned."

I don't know about you guys, but I don't want cheese theft on my permanent record. I have important things to do with my life. As for the bacon, there are a few people who work there who would probably enjoy playing with pig carcass. You know who you are.


Example 2:

"There will be a RV and trailer parked out back by the sat yard fence which will be there till Friday. Please don’t call the police or a tow truck or freak out because it’s there, because the owner has been given approval to park there till Friday."

I always freak out and call the police when I see RV's. You know who usually drives them? Old people. I'm watching you, old people. Can you imagine the 911 call?

"911. What is your emergency?"
"There's an RV in our parking lot. I wouldn't have called, but anyone who would voluntarily RV to Twin Falls is obviously mentally imbalanced. Send someone soon before they kill us... or feed us green jello."