Home Sweet Home

So being forced to move back in with one's parents in the year or so following graduation to save up may severely bite, particularly if one is returning to the town where cows and chickens could form an uprising and have a revolution at any point. However, I have found a few things about this recent development to wholeheartedly enjoy.

First of all, there's are the wonderful tips that my dad gives me.

"Michelle, there's a red light. You have to stop up there."

"Michelle, it's steak. You need a knife."

"Michelle, the dishes in the dishwasher are dirty. Don't get any out of there."
"Yeah, Dad, there are, like, three dishes in there. And I put them in there about two minutes ago..."
"Just making sure you didn't think Mom had washed them."
"No, Dad."

"Michelle, the trunk of your car is locked. What you need to do is pop the trunk hatch."

In case you haven't noticed, I think my dad failed to attend my kindergarten graduation. As a result, I'm fairly certain he believes I have the intellectual capacity of five year old Michelle. This is debatable. I'm not sure which side I stand on.

Secondly, I quite enjoy the fact that I get to be around Stinky once again. Stinky is the crankiest middle-aged cat this side of Garfield, except she doesn't have a dog to beat up on, so she uses me. She's an odd cat. She stands at the back screen door wanting someone to come out and pet her. As soon as we come out, she runs away. We go back inside the close the door. She returns. We open the door; she runs away. Repeat until one of us gets bored. It's usually Stinky. She's found a grasshopper to dismember.

The other thing she loves to do is go eat grass as soon as I pour her food. I'm not sure if she has body image issues and feels unsatisfied with her aging, saggy physique, or if she's just a snobby vegan. I'm fairly convinced of the latter. She frequently tips her food over and glares at it. For someone who eats grasshoppers and moths more than she takes a nap throughout the day, she sure is picky. I can't blame her. I can't imagine what cat menopause is like, especially without a male cat to slap across the face and blame for everything.

Finally, I enjoy that my monthly costs only add up to $500: $200 for rent, $50 for cable, $150 for my student loan repayment, and $100 for food, toiletries, and when I don't feel like siphoning gas from cop cars. This helps me save $400/$500 a month from my impressive minimum wage cashier job. I'm the envy of high school students everywhere. College has totally paid off. It will help me save up to plague whichever country I decide is my next stop, though. I'll be sure to tell you where I decide to go so you can make sure to be as far away as possible. I might make a few stops the next few years, though. I'll give you more than enough heads up... if I feel like it. Consider yourself warned, foreign friends.

I have to go. Sharks are doing stuff on TV. It demands my utmost attention!