Okay, done with college... now what?!

So I graduated four-ish months ago now. Still have my head in the clouds. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Well, I do, but being Conan O'Brien's trophy wife is not really an option right now. A) He's already got one. B) I don't think I even have enough motivation to do that. C) Unless I started a trend of "unhot trophy wives," I don't fit the bill. D) I'd have to live in LA... ew.

So what am I going to do? I have a few career ideas.

1) A dinosaur. This was always my dream career when I was six. Who says you can't be a dinosaur?! Science? Pff, what does science know? Actually, that's really a question. For a high school honors student, I really didn't pay much attention. Anyway, all you really have to do is go see the trash heap from Fraggle Rock. It has all the answers. I would be an herbivore, though. Blood makes me squeamish. Being a dinosaur wouldn't change my inability to sit through an episode of Grey's Anatomy without throwing up... over both the blood and the "storylines." I also think I'd be running away from carnivores a lot as a result of making fun of their little arms.

2) A traveling journalist. This is my more "realistic" dream. It doesn't involve trash heaps. It just involves having money to go places and enough sarcastic things to say about them. Potential stories? "When random Italian guys start rubbing your leg on a train." "When you travel, you will need an umbrella and galoshes, no matter what the crazy weather man said." "Developing diabetes abroad: When your London hostel has four times as many jam packets as pieces of toast." "Top 10 places to see tourists make asses of themselves. Site 1? The Leaning Tower of Pisa." "How to cuddle with your roommates when your Dublin hostel has no heat in December." "Be cautious when eating food in Italy. Upon returning home, you will soon develop anorexia and a strong hatred for Pizza Hut." Actually, I should write some of these anyway. Ah, semesters in Italy.

3) Mike Rowe's sidekick. As long as A) I don't have to do any dirty jobs, B) I get to be as snarky as I want to without getting dirt or worse thrown at me by the man actually doing the dirty job, C) I get obscene dough, and D) I get Mike if my Conan dreams fall through. I think we need to start drawing up the contract.

4) An actress. A few requirements for this, too. 1) My stunt double does 90% of my work. 2) I will spend the majority of my time demanding weird food combinations from Kraft service - Peanut butter and ketchup sandwiches, with crust on the side covered in grey poupon; spam quiche; sweet potato ice cream topped off with carrots cut in the geometric shape of my choosing; banana steak; eggs Toshiba... I will be unclear as to what the recipe for this is. 3) All of my roles consist of being Bill Hader's love interest and slapping Brad Pitt across the face. 4) I get paid obscene dough to support Conan's and my 17 children and 378 cats.

5) Tina Fey. I would be on 30 Rock. This should be more than enough to explain why. PS - Close access to Alec Baldwin.



Now excuse me while I write about the second best place to make fun of tourists.